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I just realised — my steam engine is a classical: slow to start, noisy as it takes speed. But robust, and reliable.
Finally did my new words come to the keys — silent board, sole instrument left afloat the ashes of my early musical promises. Took me time, nearly thirty years, ten years, one year, depending on which scale and which aspect of the tone you consider, but the path has been long, strenuous, full of doubts, enjoying for too long the ditches of self-depreciation like a pig in his mud. It takes a bit of affirmation, of confidence, and thus of experience on the clock, to step up and follow the little voice from inside the head.
We are not quite there yet, though. Spring-Summer 2016, new accent in the angle and style of my ongoing discussions with the words, but still the function is largely existential, to fill in certain needs of harmony and aspiration, and the fruits, to the reader, if at all s/he jumps above the self-absorption, may only seem personal, individual, development-oriented. True and false: I read some of these lines, and cannot remember the ideas or intuitions that led me to their shores, and I learn through my words, over and beyond my presumed authorship, as if they were more than just my own. But, true, the format, the sheer size and depth, the idiosyncratic formulation of a problematic or its unsaid question, all remain personal and formative, as if these were destined to be écrits de jeunesse, exercices de style to stretch the skills and test the waters, to see or prove that he indeed can dive till the levels of actual art.
The question remains open, to me included, even if the very piling up of the pages, as I edit and publish round here for close to a year, comes to question my habitual, own life-memory, to colour it with a softer hue. I draw the lines between the stars, and dream or pray, every single day, to come across my constellation… sooner than later.
Because this can’t, and this won’t, be a solitary journey.
So, to you, early reader, Cheers, and hear the calls of invitation, invitations to call, each time these words come your way.
Samuel
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